break down

I broke down.  I cried.  I climbed into bed.  I cried some more.  I'm frustrated.  I'm sad.  I feel defeated.  I feel useless.  I feel stupid.  I feel behind.  I feel tired.  I feel short-changed.  Everything seems impossible.  Nothing is getting accomplished.

The sad thing is,  I KNOW all of these feelings are straight from satan.  I just can't get them to stop.

Tonight I called our top 5 apartment choices... all of them having a higher January price then they had going in November.  None of them willing to budge.  None of them were excited about meeting us half way or even HEARING our other offers.  How on earth are we going to pay this much money for a S-M-A-L-L apartment with me not even having a job yet?

Do we wait to go out there until we hear from Disney?  What more can I do to get them to notice me?  Do we stay here for 6 more months so I can get a job here and save money?

Do we go to Florida?  I'm pretty sure I could get a job there...

I don't really need responses.  I know you all think I'm totally awesome and fantastic (*winkity*wink*wink).  I just really wanted to put my thoughts out there, and to remember this time.  God gets the most glory during these transition/hard times...  and I want to be sure to remember to give Him all the credit!

This is one of my favorite songs.  Ginny Owens is an amazing artist who captures every feeling I'm feeling now and have felt before in this song.


It makes me remember that it's not about me.  God will take me where He needs me to be in HIS timing and HIS way.  He never promised it would be easy, He only promised that I would NEVER go alone!  He is my provider, and I know He will ALWAYS provide!  Why have I so quickly forgotten how He used this precious couple from silly Waxahachie, TX (financially in trouble themselves) to take us through the ATM?  Why have I forgotten the literally 100's of kids who have given their lunch money to help us and give to those in greater need?  Father forgive me for forgetting of all the kids we met in the DR and Brazil who are REALLY in need...  Forgive me for being so wrapped up in MY desires that I've completely let go of what You need me to do.  I'm willing to walk through the fire-- just asking for a little nudge in the right direction!!

jennafer